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Guest Flash Review (Renald)

Ass Squirts

Ass Squirts small front box cover

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Starlets: 

 Category  Wall to Wall / Gonzo
 Director  Thomas Zupko
 Themes  anal sex, squirting, a2m, religion
 Production or Street Date  08.13.06 date of production, released xx.xx.07
 Released By  Extreme Associates (TC-0229)
 Available Formats  DVD
 Running Time  129 minutes + bonus footage 
 Source and Price Paid  DVD courtesy of Extreme Associates
 Box Cover Quote "Grab a six pack and a raincoat!  This is my first movie back at Extreme.  You'll either love it or hate it but I guarantee you'll never forget it!

Synopsis

Ass Squirts features over the top hardcore anal action despite very strong religious overtones and a message about what it means not to judge others.  The sex appears to take place primarily in a church and several scenes have a deformed man tied to a crucifix.  Unusual gonzo that is not at all for the faint of heart!

What's Hot:   

Awesome sex with great energy from everybody involved.

Excellent builds ups for each scene.

Incredible locations.

No filler scenes, and in fact nothing by the numbers.  One scene is just a blowjob.

What's Not

Itís a very preachy particularly for a porn film.

The religious overtones are a bit much, even for people who arenít really religious.

Play By Play

Below is a detailed description of each scene:

  Scene One Ė Amber Rayne & Paris Gables

Sex Checklist: oral, anal, straight, squirt, group, rimming, P2M, A2M

The scene begins with a black and white introduction with Amber on her knees crawling around the church, the deformed ďChristĒ on the cross, Paris licking sucking and gagging on her riding crop and a priest standing at the pulpit.  Itís a very intense way to start the scene and music is great.  As the color comes to the scene we get close ups of the all the actors, particularly the nearly in tears Amber.  The girls start things off, with Paris just humiliating her brunette co-star, spitting on her face, gagging her with the ridding crop.  I wonít repost the dialogue, but it is very intense and from there Amber starts to attack his cock while Paris forces her to keep sucking, choking her and shouting at her and sometimes helping her suck.   After sheís nearly puked from swallowing his cock whole he gives her a brief rim job before he starts to fuck her.  Great pussy to mouth, Amber is absolutely on fire, so they have Paris come in and squirt water out of her ass to keep Amber from bursting into flames.  From there itís on to anal.  By that point ass juice and sweat have coated Amber with a sexy sheen and soaked her hair.  When the cum shit finally hits her she is an utter mess.  Itís an amazing scene.

Scene One Rating: 9.85
Starlet appearance: 9.75, Starlet attitude and personality: 10.00,
Sexual Heat: 10.00, Raincoat appeal: 9.80

  Scene Two Ė Lisa Ann and one guy

Sex Checklist: oral

Lisa Ann doesnít have an introduction, sheís an angel who tells that we are nothing then prances out to let a man worship her body with his lips and tongue before she tit fucks and sucks her man to orgasm.   Itís a damn good blow job, but that is all it is, a blow job.

Scene Two Rating: 8.80
Starlet appearance: 9.20, Starlet attitude and personality: 9.00, Sexual Heat: 9.50, Raincoat appeal: 7.50

  Scene Three Ė Rebecca Steel and one guy

Sex Checklist: anal, a2m, straight, oral, p2m

A masked man is locked in a dog cage shouting and rattling the bars while the lovely Rebecca Steel squats just outside the cage playing with herself and spitting on the psycho.  After a long tease another man enters the scene and takes control leaning her over the cage and fucking her while making her kiss the caged beast.  Rebecca his whimpering the entire time until he decides to fuck her throat for a while, which seems to quiet her.  There is plenty of back and forth action between her pussy and her mouth before Rebecca decides she needs her shitter split open and she starts juggling his cock back and forth between her mouth and her ass ending with a great open mouth facial.

Scene Three Rating: 9.39
Starlet appearance: 9.45, Starlet attitude and personality: 9.85, Sexual Heat: 9.00, Raincoat appeal: 9.25

  Scene Four -- Felony & Rebecca Steel

Sex checklist: group, oral, straight, p2m, anal, a2m

Felonyís scene begins with a priest giving a pornographic sermon mixed in with flashes of the scene.  The girls continue to give him an Amen at all of the appropriate junctions as they build toward the scene which starts with the girls giving some major skull fucking, gagging head before the girls decide itís time for the fucking.  The fucking is brief and then Felony is throat fucked until she pukes several times.  From there itís onto to the anal and ass to mouth along with Felony squirting her ass juices all over her studís face and even into his mouth.

Scene Four Rating: 9.60
Starlet appearance:  9.40, Starlet attitude and personality: 10.00 (Felony)
Starlet appearance:  9.45, Starlet attitude and personality:   9.25 (Rebecca Steel)
Sexual Heat: 9.75, Raincoat appeal: 9.80

  Scene Five -- Missy Monroe & Amber Rayne

Sex checklist: oral, rim job, squirting, straight, group, anal, a2m

We again have priest giving a sermon accept this time Missy is being oiled up and playing with herself as he speaks.  After a long build up the build up the priest comes down and starts licking Missyís asshole and really digging in there.  Amber Rayne shoes up briefly to squirt her ass juices all over the two of them while Missy switches off sucking cock and licking asshole before getting fucked.  She takes a good bit of anal sex with a lot of Ass to mouth but then she passes the torch to Amber and she brings the scene home with and anal pile driver, a few gapes and some of the filthiest dialogue ever to leave a womanís lips.

Scene Four Rating: 9.75
Starlet appearance:  9.45, Starlet attitude and personality: 9.75  (Felony)
Starlet appearance:  9.75, Starlet attitude and personality: 9.80  (Amber Rayne)
Sexual Heat: 9.75, Raincoat appeal: 9.90

Everything Else

An interesting film has an interesting extras section.  I canít complain about the cumshot recap, Iíve always felt that should be a standard feature in porn.   Since the film is called ass squirts having a high lights of the girls squirting is definitely a good idea (even if itís kinda gross in my opinion) and a puke reel is entirely uncalled for.  The interviews are a great idea as even as porn goes Ass Squirts is a controversial film so breaking from my normal opinion I think the interviews are great.  The behind the scenes is set to Yankee Doodle and is pretty much just them all having a good time.  The trailers are good, the photo gallery is fairly good as well.  There is even a bonus scene.  Top that off with scene selection that lets you skip to the acts that you most enjoy and youíve got perfect extras.

Last Word & Final Tally

Ass Squirts is a very good film though I wouldnít suggest it for many viewers.  Most of us donít want to mix religion with our porn, Iím an atheist so Iím a little unqualified to speak on how offensive this really is.  Itís more than enough to distract from everything else that is happening on the screen.  The deformed midget is annoying at times, heís frankly difficult (for me) to look at and I donít need outside voices screaming during my porn. 

With that said the sex is incredible, all of the women are very into their scenes and very dedicated.  Things donít get more intense than this film everybody involved went well beyond what anybody could expect. 

Still this isnít a film to watch with your girlfriend, or even with a normal friend.  Itís not for those who are overly sensitive, easily offended or even mildly religious.  It does borderline on being a truly great film with a legit message mixed with the smut.  Plus, the message is one raincoaters can easily get behind; donít judge.

New (Experimental) SRR Rating Method:

Sexual Content Ratings (averaged & weighted 2x): 9.48
Average of all scenes listed above.

Production Ratings (weighted 1x):  9.93
Dialog/Story/Script: 10.00, Costumes/Clothing: 9.80, Location: 10.00

Technical Ratings (weighted 1x):  9.89

Camerawork: 10.00, Video Quality: 9.75, Audio Quality: 9.80, DVD Extras: 10.00

Overall Rating:  9.70 out of 10.00

-- Renald

Second Opinion?

Johnny Homicide on Eros described Ass Squirts as "weird" and was relieved there were not many "genuine ass squirts."  He says this disc will appeal to people "with issues, people with no issues, and the Justice Department.  (Hmmm isn't "people with issues" and "people with no issues" everyone?!)  No overall rating given.

Review Date: 08.23.07.  Edited and published 09.03.07

Other Suggestions & Comments

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Page last updated: 11.01.2007.
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